Lights will guide you [home] (OPEN)

[CHARLIE]

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It seemed strange to Charlie, sitting at the familiar table with the same dishes and the same utensils he'd used so many times before back when life was so simple. He looked down at the food in front of him, a salad and a bowl of almonds. He'd chosen these items himself, but making a decision had taken a lot longer than he wanted to admit. Sometimes, when he just let himself go into auto-pilot, he could wander from one location in the house to the next, but then when he focused he'd realize that he hadn't been thinking. It was jarring, like waking up outside after sleepwalking. Those moments, he realized that he wasn't as self-aware as he liked to believe. Those moments were the reason he'd made a point to actively choose what it was he would eat today. Because Charlie the blank slate would've eaten whatever the nice lady in the pastel outfit would've handed him.

Living in this house, every day of it, was all about trust. Trusting that they were safe down here, trusting that the people you went outside with on scavenger runs had your back, trusting that no matter what happened in here, it had to be better than living out there. But Charlie had issues with trusting people, something that dated back to his life as Trent, and the more Trent's memories surfaced inside his mind, the more he wondered if becoming self-aware was such a good idea. For now, he busied himself with stirring the vinaigrette into his salad. Talking to others helped, but for now it seemed there were few people in the eating area, so he went about eating without looking up much.

[SIERRA]

Food was a necessity to survive. It was so was so easily accessible here in the Dollhouse that it was easy to forget that it was getting harder and harder to come by up above ground. Priya was grateful that they had enough food to last them for years, but it also scared her. She didn't want to stay down here forever. She longed for the days when she could see the sunshine and feel sand between her toes. The days before the tech. When the term 'butcher' usually referred to someone that sold meat.

Priya took a salad from the selection of food and carried it into the dining area, looking for a seat. She usually sat with Echo and Tony, but they were currently out on a mission above the surface. They were supposed to back soon and she was hoping nothing unexpected had happened while they were up there. They meant too much to her, to their team, to loose. She had been helping unpack and distribute other various equipment earlier. She didn't feel like she was doing much, but at least she was doing something. Sitting around doing nothing really made her feel useless. She wasn't a doll anymore, she was herself and could handle herself (for the most part anyways).

There were several places open in the room, but she noticed one guy sitting alone. Priya recalled that his name was Charlie, but that wasn't his real name, just his 'active' one. She had seen him around of course, but she had never really gotten a chance to talk to him. She smiled a little and went over to him, "Do you mind if I sit with you? Of course, if you want to eat alone, I can find somewhere else to eat."

[CHARLIE]

How long had it been since the last time he'd been above ground? Days or weeks, he really wasn't sure. It was easy to lose track of time when you didn't see the sun on a regular basis. The lights were always on inside the Dollhouse, except for the sleeping chambers. It seemed the only way to be sure of the passage of time was to keep track of how long it had been since he'd shaved. Charlie raised a hand to his chin and brushed his fingers across. Maybe three days had passed since he'd shaved, and that was the day after he'd been above ground. So... four then? Probably four.

"Do you mind if I sit with you? Of course, if you want to eat alone, I can find somewhere else to eat."

The voice was somewhat familiar, but Charlie was still somewhat surprised to hear someone standing so close to him. A lot of the other actives kept to themselves a lot, or didn't have much to say. But when Charlie noticed it was Sierra--or, well, Priya as it seemed she was now very much herself--he was less surprised. She was very much a real person, someone Charlie knew little about but respected all the same. She was part of the inner circle, the ones who made most of the big decisions, and Charlie was always quick to follow the suggestions of others when they were in the group's best interests.

"I don't mind at all," Charlie replied, gesturing toward the other seats at the table. "I'd actually prefer it since the alternative is a little too quiet for my liking. Feel free."

Charlie would've got up and pulled a chair out for Priya, but he didn't want to give the wrong impression. He knew she and Tony were a couple, and didn't want her to think he was making a move on her. Charlie already had someone he was interested in, even though it was an interest he didn't expect to see returned in quite the way he hoped. But thinking about all that just made the headaches worse, and Charlie was more interested in taking the time to get to know Priya better, especially since they were going to be living together down here for quite a while.

[SIERRA]

"I don't mind at all. I'd actually prefer it since the alternative is a little too quiet for my liking. Feel free."

Priya smiled at Charlie and took a seat across from him. "Thanks. I usually sit with Echo and Tony, but they haven't gotten back yet." She then turned her attention to her salad, taking a few bites of it, not really paying much attention to how it tasted. Her thoughts were wandering to other places as they often did.

She was worried about Echo and Tony, and wondering if they got into any trouble on the surface. Tony always filled her in about the conditions of everything were above ground. Priya didn't get to go up and see for herself that often these days. The surface was in bad shape and it looked like it was going to get much worse before it got better.

Priya sighed and then took another bite of her salad. She hated that she would have to get used to living like this. Trapped underground, not even able to see the sky or the sun. She pushed those thoughts aside for not, remembering that she was sitting with Charlie and that usually meant you were supposed to talk with them. She may have a lot of things on her mind, but she certainly didn't want to seem like she was being rude.

It was then that she realized, she didn't really even know much about Charlie. Just that he was a doll like she herself once was. She knew several of the dolls had been becoming more aware of everything, but she couldn't recall just how much Charlie remembered about himself. "So, how are you, Charlie? I'm sorry that I haven't really gotten to know you or some of the others. I've been preoccupied, not that that's really an excuse I suppose..."

[CHARLIE]

"Thanks. I usually sit with Echo and Tony, but they haven't gotten back yet."

Charlie nodded and smiled warmly, not really knowing what to say. He could only imagine how worrying it must be for her to be the one who waited. He thought it was probably worse than being the ones who went out into the world. At least when he went out with the others, he was always focused on the task at hand. There was little time to think about the people staying in the Dollhouse. Keeping busy was a good way to keep your mind off things that might distract you when you needed to be focused. And it was hard to find things to focus on down here while waiting.

"So, how are you, Charlie? I'm sorry that I haven't really gotten to know you or some of the others. I've been preoccupied, not that that's really an excuse I suppose..."

Charlie swallowed a bite of salad before replying to Priya, raising his eyebrows as he thought of what to say. "I'm... good. As good as can be, I'd guess. Sometimes when I'm painting, things get muddy in my head, like I can't remember big chunks of my life before here, but for the most part I'm probably fortunate. There are probably lots of things from my past I'd be better off not knowing."

Charlie took a few almonds from the bowl to his left and held them in his hand for a moment. "I think I used to be left handed. That's... weird, right?"

[SIERRA]

"I'm... good. As good as can be, I'd guess. Sometimes when I'm painting, things get muddy in my head, like I can't remember big chunks of my life before here, but for the most part I'm probably fortunate. There are probably lots of things from my past I'd be better off not knowing."

Priya nodded her head, listening to Charlie talk. She knew all too well what it was like to not want to remember your past. There were so many moments of her own that she would love to forget.

She would give anything not to have to remember Nolan. He was the man who put her here against her will. The drugs he gave her made her crazy and ever since then, she vowed to never take any medication again. She refused to lose herself again. No one was going to change her anymore. Even if it meant putting up with the headaches, she was determined to remain herself from now on. No modifications necessary.

She wished that she could wash the blood off of her hands and believe that she had not killed a man. Even if Nolan was a bastard that deserved to be seriously punished for putting her through that hell, she never had wanted to take another person's life.

Every now and again, she still had nightmares about Nolan. It was like being in the Attic all over again. His rotting corpse would ruin any happy dream she was having about Tony and having a life with him away from the Dollhouse. Nolan would come to life again, putting her immediately back into that mental hospital, unable to do anything to stop him from doing anything that he wanted...

Priya snapped herself out of her thoughts, returning back to Charlie. "There are so many things from my past I would like to forget. But I choose to remember them so that I can remember every bit of myself, all of the good and the bad. I'm not going to let anyone control my life any more." she said determinedly, looking at him for a moment before returning back to her salad.

"I think I used to be left handed. That's... weird, right?"

Priya smiled a little. "I wouldn't call it weird. It's unique. Just another thing that makes you, you," she said, smiling a little wider. Some of the dolls just didn't want to remember who they were. It was nice to see one want to try to remember about himself.

[CHARLIE]

"There are so many things from my past I would like to forget. But I choose to remember them so that I can remember every bit of myself, all of the good and the bad. I'm not going to let anyone control my life any more."

"I think... that's incredibly brave of you. Not that long ago I looked up my file, found out some things from my past. Things I can't actually remember, but just knowing that I did them... for now, that's enough for me," Charlie said, playing with his food a bit, moving bits of lettuce around with his fork. He knew that Priya probably had enough to worry about with her friends outside, knew that it was probably better not to dwell on the past because it might risk making her think about things she didn't want to think about, but couldn't help remembering.

"I wouldn't call it weird. It's unique. Just another thing that makes you, you."

"Unique is good. Definitely better than the other thing... being like them," Charlie said, gesturing toward the dolls who still remained in a blank state. "One time... I found Foxtrot over in the art area, blood on her hand. She'd cut it on accident, but she didn't know enough to have it taken care of. Thinking about that too much, it just scares the hell out of me. We used to be so fragile." Charlie realized he was still going back to talking about bad things and quickly changed the subject. "Anything good going on today? Something that might keep us from another fresh round of cabin fever?"

[SIERRA]

"I think... that's incredibly brave of you. Not that long ago I looked up my file, found out some things from my past. Things I can't actually remember, but just knowing that I did them... for now, that's enough for me,"

She smiled a bit at Charlie, "I don't think I'm all that brave. I'm afraid of losing myself. I just want to have some kind of control over my life." She ate another bite of her lettuce before continuing, "If you really want to, you'll remember eventually. Sometimes I get flashes of things that I don't remember doing and people I don't remember meeting. I think I met Tony several times before I actually met him, if that makes any sense."

Every once and a while she would recall certain memories that weren't hers, but were. There was one where Tony, herself, Echo and November broke out of the Dollhouse, and another where he gave her his strawberries to eat because he knew she liked them. Another one had Tony wearing glasses and a lab coat...

It was hard to keep all of the memories straight sometimes. Hard to keep straight which ones were hers and which ones were imprints or from her doll state.

"Unique is good. Definitely better than the other thing... being like them, One time... I found Foxtrot over in the art area, blood on her hand. She'd cut it on accident, but she didn't know enough to have it taken care of. Thinking about that too much, it just scares the hell out of me. We used to be so fragile.

She looked over at the other dolls that remained in their blank slates. Sometimes she envied them. They were able to live their lives with no knowledge about what the world was turning into above ground. They appeared to be happy, but Priya knew that she would hate to be like that again. The only good thing that she gained from that experience was meeting Tony and her other friends. "Was she alright? I can't imagine ever being in that state again."

Anything good going on today? Something that might keep us from another fresh round of cabin fever?"

Priya shrugged, putting another bit on her fork, "I don't really know. I've been helping sort though supplies all day, trying to keep my mind off of things. It's hard to do sometimes. Anything with you?"

[CHARLIE]

I think I met Tony several times before I actually met him, if that makes any sense."

Charlie took another bite, then chewed it quickly before responding. "Oh, that totally makes sense. It happens to me a lot, too. But with the staffers, I think it's more because of whatever they did to our heads," Charlie said with a bit of discontent in his voice. Mostly he was bothered by his recent realization that his interest in Topher may have more to do with an attraction toward him and less to do with the programming that made him trust the Dollhouse workers implicitly. He thought about who he was speaking to, knowing Priya wasn't a fan of the tech, and decided to shy away from discussing it further.

"Was she alright? I can't imagine ever being in that state again."

Charlie flashed back to the moment he arrived in the medical center with Foxtrot, when he realized none of the medical staff were in the area and that he would have to help the blank doll with her injury on his own. He'd had trouble remembering where the bandages would be kept, and also had difficulty figuring out the steps to be taken when wrapping a fresh wound. "There wasn't anyone in medical when I took her there, but we managed. She's good now."

He hated the feeling that he was still only useful in certain scenarios, hated knowing that the best use for him in the field was as a mule of sorts, carrying back supplies on his person when going on raiding trips with Echo and the others. He wanted to be more useful. He wanted to be his best, as much as he hated to admit it. Maybe he would take Topher up on that offer to give him some upgrades. A field medic skill set might come in very handy in the future, and so would something that might allow him hand-to-hand combat training or even better marksmanship. He also wanted to see how Topher was doing, since he had been more or less coherent the last time they'd spoke, he remained hopeful that the worst of his condition was over.

"I don't really know. I've been helping sort though supplies all day, trying to keep my mind off of things. It's hard to do sometimes. Anything with you?"

"Nothing much, I guess. Topher stopped for a chat with me the other day while I was attempting to do some paintings in the art room. I was trying to get back into the swing of things, try to get something creative out onto paper, but it just wasn't happening. I might check in on him later this afternoon, see if he's still doing... well, you know, better than his bad days."

[SIERRA]

"Oh, that totally makes sense. It happens to me a lot, too. But with the staffers, I think it's more because of whatever they did to our heads,"

Priya nodded, chewing a bite of her salad and swallowing it. She knew that she and Tony shared a special bond that didn't happen often (if ever). She couldn't even describe it really. If she could remember all of it then it wouldn't be so confusing when she tried to keep the memories straight. "I can feel most of it just below the surface. I have for a while now. I've always wondered if we would really remember everything," she finished, pushing some lettuce around on her plate to get another bite.

"There wasn't anyone in medical when I took her there, but we managed. She's good now."

"I'm glad she's okay. It was a good thing you were there to help her. Who knows what would have happened if you didn't..." she said the last part under her breath, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Priya was truly glad the girl was alright, but she sometimes got annoyed at just how childlike the blank actives were. What would she have done if there had been no one around? There were going to have to learn to take care of themselves eventually, there wouldn't always be someone to hold their hand and guide them, telling them what to do.

Priya had been spending a lot of time helping heal any injured that came in from above ground. She knew how to handle and bandage up some wounds and where most of the supplies were. She always worried that one day Tony or one of their other friends would come stumbling in one day, but so far they hadn't gotten injured too terribly.

"Nothing much, I guess. Topher stopped for a chat with me the other day while I was attempting to do some paintings in the art room. I was trying to get back into the swing of things, try to get something creative out onto paper, but it just wasn't happening. I might check in on him later this afternoon, see if he's still doing... well, you know, better than his bad days."

"Yes, I tried to go in there the other day to paint. It's always come so natural to me, but I was just staring at a blank page the entire time. Adelle convinced me to try to paint some more to help liven things up around here though." She smiled a little. Priya had been feeling so incredibly worthless not being able to do anything to help, but Adelle had really made a point about what she can use her talents to do.

"It's good that he's doing alright," she replied to him. Topher had been the one to get her out of the medical center and who first brought her to the Dollhouse. He had also helped get rid of Nolan's body after she had killed him in self-defense. She had asked for him to not have her remember that day when she woke up again and had been upset with him when he didn't keep his promise. Priya understood now why he did it, so she could remember seeing Tony, then Victor, and confessing that she loved him. "I should stop by and see how he's been doing."

[CHARLIE]

“I can feel most of it just below the surface. I have for a while now. I’ve always wondered if we would really remember everything,”

“It’s similar for me, but I guess a bit... backward? I know I’m Charlie, but I know I have bits of Trent mixed in, so I have all my doll instincts, but they’re complicated by the memories that are slowly coming back from my life before being here. And sometimes I flash back to engagements, Charlie said, knowing that it was close to a condition of some kind, something that happened to soldiers when they returned from war. He just couldn’t think of the name of it and didn’t want to have to ask. These gaps were going to start driving him crazy if he didn’t do something about it.

“I’m glad she’s okay. It was a good thing you were there to help her. Who knows what would have happened if you didn’t...”

Charlie sensed the frustration in Priya’s voice. He’d heard it before when she spoke about the tech. He didn’t blame her for feeling so strongly against it, and he felt the same way about the blank dolls and their helplessness. He just had all this sympathy for them because he saw so much of himself in them. “Tell me about it. I wonder how long it will take before DeWitt and the others finally come to a decision about them. They’re like a herd of sheep, but they don’t have to be.” Even as Charlie spoke, he looked out toward the floor where several blank dolls wandered around. He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to them if they didn’t evolve.

“Yes, I tried to go in there the other day to paint. It’s always come so natural to me, but I was just staring at a blank page the entire time. Adelle convinced me to try to paint some more to help liven things up around here though.”

“Oh yea. I’d forgotten you’re an artist!” Charlie said excitedly, knowing he had someone to talk to that would relate to his recent frustrations. “I had a similar problem focusing, but I was also trying to force myself to find inspiration from my life before coming here... and that didn’t work out so well. It’ll probably just take time. I might even track down my tattoo gun. It would probably keep things from getting too boring around here.” Charlie was determined to get a grip on his creativity and to do it on his own terms. Back when he worked at a tattoo studio, he had never considered getting any tattoos, always seeing himself as the artist and never the artwork, but now more than ever he was beginning to understand the importance of establishing an individual identity for himself.

“I should stop by and see how he’s been doing.”

Charlie smiled and gave a nod. “I’m sure he’d appreciate it. After everything that’s happened, he seems to really like being able to replicate as much normalcy as possible. Juice boxes, small talk, stuff like that.” At the mention of Topher, Charlie looked up toward the large observation window above them to see if anyone was up in the lab. The lights were on but it looked empty, which meant Topher was most likely not having one of his better days. Charlie looked back down toward his food and continued eating.

[SIERRA]

“It’s similar for me, but I guess a bit... backward? I know I’m Charlie, but I know I have bits of Trent mixed in, so I have all my doll instincts, but they’re complicated by the memories that are slowly coming back from my life before being here. And sometimes I flash back to engagements,"

Priya nodded as she pushed some lettuce around with her fork. "It is hard to keep all of the memories straight. It's like their yours and not yours at the same time. It's hard enough just having one person in your head. I don't know how Echo manages to keep all of hers straight."

There were several times when she wished that she had the fighting capabilities that some of her friends had. Even with their original personalities, Paul and Tony could fight extremely well and Echo had a multitude of personalities to choose from. She hated feeling like she was useless and that's exactly how she felt when they would go to the surface and fight in the war against Rossum and bring back supplies for the rest of them.

“Tell me about it. I wonder how long it will take before DeWitt and the others finally come to a decision about them. They’re like a herd of sheep, but they don’t have to be.”

She took another bite of her salad, more so because it was there and she had to eat out of necessity. Priya didn't have much of an appetite lately, feeling like there was a lot more things she could be doing with her time. "Adelle will do what she thinks is right. I'm not even sure if some of them want to wake up. Everyone here signed a contract after all. Well, mostly everyone," she said, meaning herself. She never signed a contract when she entered the Dollhouse. Tony's contact was up as well. He had technically served all of his time in the Dollhouse and yet, due to the state of the world, he was now trapped there like the rest of them.

Even if the two of them hadn't returned when they left the Dollhouse, the tech was everywhere. It would have been even more of a challenge to keep their own personalities and survive than it was now. Tony and Priya were safer underground in the Dollhouse.

“Oh yea. I’d forgotten you’re an artist! I had a similar problem focusing, but I was also trying to force myself to find inspiration from my life before coming here... and that didn’t work out so well. It’ll probably just take time. I might even track down my tattoo gun. It would probably keep things from getting too boring around here.”

"You were a tattoo artist before coming here? I sold paintings on Venice Beach. We could help each other out maybe. Inspire each others art." she said, a small smile appearing across her lips. It had been a very long time since she could talk with someone about art. Priya had never studied any art history, but she knew how to use her paints and use colors to make a piece of work that was appealing to her.

“I’m sure he’d appreciate it. After everything that’s happened, he seems to really like being able to replicate as much normalcy as possible. Juice boxes, small talk, stuff like that.”

Priya shrugged, setting her fork down, deciding if she was going to eat any more. "It's hard to even think about normal at a time like this. Even harder to believe that things will ever be normal again," she paused, trying not to be so negative even at a time when the world was falling apart all around them. "Maybe I'll paint something and take it to him."

(It's not as good as the first one 'cuz I lost the post Sorry this is so late!)