just having you there (open)

[ADELLE DEWITT]

When things really mattered
And we really cared
When simply being was easy
Just having you there

Adelle had only needed to venture into Topher's old workspace a few times in the last few months. When he originally migrated to the pods he took many of the things dear to him with him. A few of his books, those precious brain books that he'd probably read and memorized years ago, and all of his toys. The Viewfinder, the Etch-A-Sketch, a Slinkie. All of them were housed in his pod, but on ocassion, he would forget something and not wanting to face that room again, he would ask Adelle to find it for him.

Half the time she had no idea what he was talking about or even where to start working with the way he kept his office. It wasn't that it was a disaster, the area had been pretty much undisturbed since he stopped working in it. There were still a few action figures and knick-knacks strewn about the room though, and the trampoline was still there, not that she was in the mood for jumping.

She remembered when he had asked for the trampoline. The look in his eyes when he saw the space. She willingly gave it to him. He might have been a cocky genius but he was the best, and if the dolls gave people what they needed, then Topher Brink was what the Dollhouse needed. And with that being the case she would do anything to make sure that he had what he needed, and she still would.

So she continued searching, determined not to go away empty handed. She wanted Topher to be comfortable. It wasn't fair that he was losing his mind. Moving slowly away from reality. It was painful for Adelle to watch. Just thinking about it now made tears well up in her eyes. She promised herself several times that she wouldn't cry in front of Topher. That she wouldn't let him see just how much his deterioration had gotten to her, but now that she was here, in the workspace, she let the tears fall.

She sobbed for Topher and she sobbed for the world. What she wouldn't give to turn back the clock. Do the last few years differently. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option.

Remind me of how
I used to feel
Remind me of how
I used to be, back when
Nothing could come between us then
That thought would never leave us

[INDIA]

India saw the movement in the room. Like a little girl getting her first taste of candy she wanted to be there. She wanted to sit in the big chair, go to sleep and dream. That's what it was like...it was dreaming. She couldn't remember what happened in her dreams. Only that she had them. It was enough though. They made her happy. Wasn't that all that mattered? That was why all those people were fighting...they wanted to be happy. India was happy. It was simple, and almost funny that other people couldn't figure out how. Maybe they just hadn't tried enough things yet. They needed to try fighting before they moved on to something else. India didn't want to fight. But if that was what they wanted from her then she would try. She wasn't very strong, but she would learn. They could make her learn. Just a little trip to the chair, and she could dream herself to be a fighter. If that was what they wanted from her.

Slowly she padded up the steps that led to the room. They felt like they took forever. With each step though, she felt a little lighter and a little more free. She just needed to get there a little bit faster. No. she reminded herself, that wouldn't be...proper...you can't sleep if you're not the best you can be. India smiled slightly, knowing that she could do this. She hadn't failed them yet. Failure wasn't an option. India wasn't someone who failed. She would always do her job. Always. But she needed help. She couldn't do it alone. It was her job to use what they gave her. They would make her someone and she needed to be them. India was her, just not always. She could be anybody.

Anybody...Not Iris. India knew who Iris was. She knew she didn't want to be Iris. Iris was someone else too. Someone who she didn't like very much. Iris hadn't done her best job. She had fallen short and then had to go away. Not forever...India didn't like that thought. Forever was a very long time, but not always long enough. India wasn't sure if she would ever want Iris back. Maybe not...

At long last she could see into the room enough to see that it was not Topher....There wasn't any need for excitement. She felt very foolish, just like that over excited child would have when it got candy all over and had none left for itself. She looked down, and then back up, as if somehow things would change. India quickly looked back down, frozen, as if any movements would distract Adelle...Ms. Dewitt. She didn't want to be caught when she was so badly out of place.

[ADELLE DEWITT]

If there was one think that Adelle never lacked, it was ambition. Even in the cluttered and dusty mess that had become Topher's workspace she kept searching, searching, searching. It didn't matter. Because nothing she did would bring back Topher. Nothing would snap him out of this funk that she had inflicted upon him. It didn't matter how often she told herself that this was not her fault cos the truth was that it was. It was her fault.

She betrayed Topher, she didn't want to admit it but she did and as she admitted it, she let the tears fall but never stopped working. No she could never stop working. This was her penance for causing Topher so much pain. She was his patron, his mother, the one who looked after him. Made sure he ate, and bathed on his bad days and consoled him on the others when the nightmares got to be too much to handle.

Adelle heard someone coming up the stairs. No one ever comes up here anymore. She thought silently. For a moment she wondered if i was Topher, coming to see where she was and what had been taking her so long. He'd come to the threshold of the door once or twice before but never crossed it and once Adelle assured him that she would be with him just a moment he would leave, seemingly satisfied with her answer, so it seemed.

"Who's there?" Adelle questioned the creaking footsteps, never looking up from the piles she was searching.

There was one thing that she was never lacking. That was ambition.

[INDIA]

India knew the game was up. Ms. Dewitt knew someone was there. India was a little glad to know that she didn't know who. She wondered if it was time to come forward. It would be worse if she got caught hiding in the shadows. Then they would start to think she was becoming one of the rebels. India had heard the stories of just what was going to happen to the ones that tried to get out. They should have known better. There were contracts to be upheld, then they could go be whoever they wanted. Everyone should have known better. They got themselves into thins knowing what they were signing up for. Didn't making people happy make them happy. India thought about Echo, and how she would have done anything to be the #1. Time in the Dollhouse was pleasant...but it wasn't anything like being out. It seemed like Echo was never in the house. But then she threw it all away. Went off and tried to fight some big war. India didn't understand.

Slowly she shuffled out of her hiding spot. "Is it time?" she asked, as innocently as possible. A big part of her was still hoping that maybe it was. Maybe she could go out and do her job. She didn't want to sit here gathering dust like some thrown away toy. Still, India knew better. Topher wasn't the same anymore. He was sick. And there wasn't time for the dolls. More important things to do. But India was hopeful. It was selfish and stupid...but she just wanted to be doing something. This fight,the big one...it wasn't her fight. Hers was whatever fight they gave to her. They hadn't given her this. Maybe if they did, the she could help them. Be of some use. After all, this was her life too. They could make her help. Make her want to help. That was why she was here in the first place.

"I...I could help? India wasn't sure how to say what she wanted to. But maybe if she could make Topher better then he could go back to helping too. She knew Ms. Dewitt wanted Topher to be better. India could be a doctor...Doctors helped. It was their job. Helping was her job too. It was just a different kind of help. But she could help, if they let her. They just had to put it in her brain...That was their job. But it couldn't be just one of them. She needed them and they needed her. Or someone...Maybe not her...but anyone. One of the dolls. India always hoped it would be her though.

India tried not to look Ms. Dewitt in the eyes. She felt too out of place and too foolish to be taken seriously. Still, India hoped that she could help.

[ADELLE DEWITT]

You could help? Adelle repeated. She didn't know why anyone wanted to help her look for one of Topher's missing toys. It was insignificant. It just kept him happy a little while longer, kept the reality outside. She spent hours playing with him in his pod. Watching him draw on the etch-a-sketch and then shake it in frustration cos the image was never ideal. She would sit with him and comfort him afterwards. It was a toy. Just a child's toy meant for child's pictures. Jumbled lines that made a bunch of nonsense. They were never meant to be anything but Adelle thought that Topher believed that they would clarify everything and he would throw down his red toy in frustration when the lines didn't unscramble themselves into an amazingly clear picture.

Often times the only time Topher was at peace was when he was asleep and getting him there was a chore. Often Adelle would have to lay down with him or keep him calm enough for Doctor Saunders to come and inject him with a sedative. It was times like that which broke her heart. He wasn't the joking man anymore who used to make Miss Lonely Hearts jokes. He was a shadow of his former self.

Adelle couldn't never communicate this to anyone. Those that truely knew Topher understood, the rest thought that she was wasting her time with a man that wanted to die. She didn't believe that. She didn't think that Topher wanted to die. He had a good life and was well taken care of. Sure it took some effort to get him going in the morning but he was productive. He was trying to work. It wasn't easy when the work he loved had been turned against him.

How do you think you can help? Adelle asked India petulantly. The world was burning. It was the end of days. Echo and Paul and Alpha couldn't help. How did this active think she could make a difference. She looked at the awkward girl who wasn't looking her in the eye. Out with it! she demanded, her patience wearing thin.

[INDIA]

India looked up very briefly, but whipped her glance down again.This wasn't a good time at all. Ms. Dewitt was...frustrated about something. Topher probably. He was sick and needed to get better. But they needed him to get better to make her able to get him better. If only someone else could work the chair. Maybe she just needed to explain better. India was trying so hard to to make Ms. Dewitt mad. Or rather, more mad. Maybe if she could explain then she could make Ms. Dewitt feel better. Her thought process was slow, but she would have to make herself understood.

But Ms. Dewitt wouldn't be here without a good reason. Since they made it easier to change people, the room was hardly used anymore. Still, India liked the chair. it was familiar, almost comforting to her. Being in it again would remind her that things hadn't changed too much. This was still the same house. Just a different way of doing things...maybe it wasn't better though. Being in the chair, India always knew just what was happening...But now she could change without a warning. One moment she could be Jennifer, or Amanda or anyone and the next she was India. It was confusing. And worrying. What of one day they brought her back. The girl who had this body. That girl hadn't done a good job. She didn't deserve it.

"You..."India was almost afraid to speak. India didn't know what happened really. She just knew that she would sit in the chair and dream for awhile and then when she woke up she would go back to the other dolls. She didn't know what happened exactly....something...she would be different. Someone who could help. She looked over at the chair. "Make me be able to help." This wasn't going well. It wasn't in India's capacity to verbalize, or even think through something this much. "The chair..."

India was trying so hard to say what made perfect sense in her head. "Use me.." Maybe somehow she would get her message across. It wasn't for lack of trying if she failed. It really didn't matter anyhow. Her impatience for an outing had gotten her into trouble. Suddenly she felt very tired rather than her restlessness of just a few moments ago. Maybe she was the only one who tried to stay away from all the fighting.Looking at Ms. Dewitt now, India could see that she was worried. Maybe even sad...But if she wasn't here to make someone, then why was she here.

The room was a ghost-land. It used to be full of all sorts of fun things, lights and bright colored plastic. Now it looked dark and out of place. What was the point of having it if they weren't going to use it?