A Picture of Insanity (Echo)

[TOPHER BRINK]

Of All the Things I've Lost, I miss my Mind the Most

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Topher...Topher wasn't quite Topher anymore. At least not when he forgot to take his medication. Or refused to. Later. A lot of it was stubborn pride. As intelligent as he may be and therefore knew rationally pride was a killer he couldn't help but be that way. He was the cleverest one in the building. But he was also the insanest most days. The rest of it was self punishment. He didn't deserve to have his mind. Claire would never be Ellie again, not because it wasn't what Claire wanted but because it wasn't possible. Alpha had destroyed her imprint wedge. She would never be. Before now Topher had a lingering hope that when her contract was up they'd let her go and not extend it as they had with Sierra. She'd never know. His best friend and she would never be, would never know that while he fought with her it wasn't because he didn't like her - although it was true Claire Saunders did freak him out. He was so very clever and what had he used it for? The apocolpyse and the end of the world and imprint wards where no one was who they used to be. some poeple were sleepers, activated when Actuals were sleeping, others were Butchers whose only function in life was to kill anyone not imprinted . Two sides to an unimaginable war: those who picked up the phone and those who didn't. Topher still didn't know which one was best. Pick up the phone or don't?

When he was worse as he was now, he didn't appreciate moving around too much. Even the bright lights of the Dollhouse weren't enough to deter the increasing neuroses and paranoid nature of Topher. He always had been paranoid. His computer had millions of layers of passwords and encryptions and firewalls and security checks. Claire didn't realise why she found it so easy. Somehow Eillie had to be underneath it all. How else would she have been able to hack his system that was full of personal and unknown information used as passwords? Even Alpha had found it harder than Claire did though Alpha was technically a genius too now that his brain was bopping with an imprint with an IQ of 170 and the rest were about 150 or lower. It wasn't any surprise the guy was insane with that many people fighting for dominance but Echo? Echo was sane as a kitten which was...weird. Topher still didn't know what she was.

Topher was holed up in one of the Active dorms writing on the floor with chalk. They'd probably puzzle over it but the equations didn't make any sense to anyone but himself and sometimes not even then. Even with his breakdown in full swing Topher was trying to solve a problem. His brain liked problems and puzzles. It liked maths and equations and being arrogant and overly curious and it really wanted to sort this out! If remote wiping and imprinting was possible then tehre had to be a way to stop it right? Tehy were safe down here, the signas weren't strong enough but signals could counteract signals and if only he could figure out how.

Topher didn't eat when he was like this without persuasion. He didn't take his meds or do go anywhere. The people he really only talked to were Saunders, Adelle, Echo and Seirra, but he'd be difficult with everyone but Adelle. Echo was different and it made him curious even now. His curiousity was very bad but Echo was nice and he always had liked Echo. He called her a friend which was strange. He had never considered an active a person let alone a friend and then there was Priya. He had given her his number, helped her out, dissected a body which had been very difficult for him for a traumatized and abused woman. Since then all he had wanted to do was help Priya/Sierra, no matter what state she was in.

Topher din't think about eating, or sleeping, or drinking or anything else but the equations scribbled on the floor. He was kneeling in a pod, safe in the small confines and writing on the surrounding floor furiously. [/size]

(Note. it's late etc so if the start as canon issues, oops, sorry, buzz me and I'll fix laters).

[ECHO]

Of all the things Echo was, a shrink wasn't one of them. She was a nurse and a mid wife, but tapping into the brain of the damaged was not one of the things she had been. Suddenly she wished she was, she often thought about having Topher , no not Topher, having Ivy give her an extra Imprint , one of a shrink or someone who was good with the mind. Of all the the things she was, a serial killer, a thief, a soldier, a dominatrix, and a multitude of other things, but none that was of use. At least not when it came to the well being of the one and only Topher Brink. He'd blamed himself and ultimately gone mad. Apart of her blamed Adelle for that - alright so a large part of her did. She understood why it had to be done, at least partially understood, why Adelle had to give harding the plans for Topher's creation - the remote imprinter. But couldn't she of given him a false copy of it? Made changes to it and not of brought upon the apocalypse in the process? Of course not. Because that would just be way to easy. It would of been to difficult to do something that required a little extra work then instead of something that required a crap load of work and effort now,

She tried to look out for everyone, she tried to protect everyone and make sure that no harm ever came to her "friends", no harm at all. Maybe it was apart of her that needed to save everyone, maybe Caroline lingered in the back of her mind, or maybe it was the mother imprint she had in her, either way she failed. At least when it came to him, to Topher. Even before she became a self aware person something opposed to being just a mindless doll, she tried to help him. She asked to be imprinted in order to help out and he did just that. He helped her ( or so she heard ) when Bennett tried to kill her, using Daniel Parrin as an assassin. No matter what status of friends or dislikes they were on, she felt as if she had failed him. She let him go insane, she wanted to protect him and she let him slowly but surely lose his mind. She wouldn't of wished something like this on even her worst enemies - Alpha aside, he was already insane, So no matter what she did would preserve his state of sanity. But Topher? There was hope for him, if only she had been able to - well what do you do when someone is on the brink of insanity? Cuddle them? Tell them it was going to be alright? Maybe it was just fate. Maybe Topher was meant to go insane. But maybe, just maybe, Echo was meant to save him, from himself.

She had gone on her rounds, checking in on the actives, making sure they were all okay and well taken care of. She'd made sure there was no security breaches and everything and everyone was safe, well as safe as could possibly be at the given moment. She'd come upon the last dormitory chamber and spotted him. Her friend, the one who made her different people. The one who was supposed to be their resident genius. He'd been kneeling upon his knees, a piece of white chalk in his hands, and he was scribbling. She wan't sure what he was scribbling but he was scribbling something none the less. She watched him for a moment, leaning in the door way. She watched him go over and over his writings as if he were trying to make sense of it. She stood there and allowed a soft sigh escape past her lips before she walked over to him and knelt in front of him. She placed her hand over his own and removed the chalk from his hand with her other one. She looked at Topher, a look full of concern and confusion. "Topher you need to snap out of it, we need you. Please." she said gently in both a stern and comforting manner. It was true, it was Topher's technology, and they'd need it to stop this thing, and they just needed Topher, plain and simple. He was a genius, but he was more than that. He was a vital ally.

[TOPHER BRINK]

Of All the Things I've Lost, I miss my Mind the Most

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For someone who liked to goof around and be a bit of a clown Topher was surprisingly dedicated and hard working. He gae this image that he perhaps wasn't up to the job because he was lazy or didn't have a long enough concentration span, or was far more interesting in tinkering with one of the numberous items littered around his office. He did like to have fun, he wasn't stuffy of uptight, he was strange and quirky and moved his hands an awful lot whilst talking but Topher was also brilliant, dedicatated, hard working and hated it when Actives were stressed, troubled or damaged. This was true een when Topher saw them as nothing more than life sized dolls to play with. They may have been dolls but whilst imprinted they were fuly fledged personalities - abliet with a sometimes insidious purpose - that would feel it as true and as clearly as an Actual and that was not cool. Perhaps this was the fledglings of Topher's dormant morality and hidden values or maybe it was because he didn't like anyone breaking his things.

Then along came Echo and Sierra who both confused the hell out of him. Sierra, never more than a normal active who had the tendency to group with Echo and Victor and was clearly in love with the latter was actually a pretty cool gal. Priya was someone he could be friends with and he wasn't all too sure whether she actually liked him. Topher had only ever tried to help her. An extreme mental disorder that turned out to be neuro dancing drugs pumped into her by a sick sick man - whom Topher was glad was dead but not that he had to slice dice and drain him (the memory gives him nightmares especially when in his child state). Then there was the ever evolving Echo who was just...what? Exactly? She wasn't Alpha becuase Alpha was driven insane but that may have been his inclination anyway. Though despite his mental issues you really couldn't deny Alpha was brilliant. Remote wipes? Helloo. It took Topher another year to figure it out. Shhhhhh. No remote wipes. Remote wiping is bad it is very bad no one should be wiped or imprinted without permission though it seemed like a lot of people had been forced into it anyway but at least they had that contract thing to rely on. End of, very wealthy, brain's all sorted out... Of course Madeline had to go and spoil it all, allowing Rossum to move.

Stupid stupid Topher. Adelle had once said that Topher had no morality. This was clearly wrong. He had seen his own brain scans too and it showed he was fully capable of compassion, benevolence, understanding, caring, selflessness. His first blip had been with that trauma girl when Echo wanted to help and it turns out that wasn't a fluke either. No. Topher's changing status on the Dollhouse could be pinned down to Echo and Adelle. If Adelle hadn't told him in soft tones that he was basically a monster he wouldn't have been so driven to prove her wrong. And Saunders. Topher wasn't Sierra's bad man but he was for a lot of people. INteresting wasn't it? Topher didn't blame Adelle.

The scribbling continued through his thoughts. What if he rerouted?...no...or reset the neuro pathways to travel through that cortex...no that messed with the central nervous system which was a big no. Or!...No no no that wasn't good either. It made him wonder if Bennet would have been able to figure it out. Of course thoughts of Bennet Halverson had Topher stabbing the floor with the chalk. So close to perfect. She had though hadn't she? Understood what he was saying, laughed, looked very pretty shame he tried to kill Echo. Topher liked Echo. Echo was nice.

Topher stared at Echo's hands in confusion. She was telling him to stop. Topher frowned. Why should he stop? He was trying to solve this mess even if it was hopeless and he couldn't do that if he stopped! Topher shook his head. Can't stop. STopping bad, very bad. Time was ticking always ticking always slipping away. "I have to keep working but the pieces don't fit. Topher creates mess Topher tries to fix but it's not working and people are answring the phones. Don't answer the phone! It's bad it's very very bad and the city burns, and no one is who they started out to be. If you imprint on top of an imprint are there two imprints or does the one underneath vanish?" Topher asked before muttering about it. During his r ambling he had been holding onto Echo's hands instead. It was important that she understood, though people rarely did.

[ADELLE DEWITT]

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Adelle didn't want to interrupt the exchange that was taking place in the pods. Saunders had found her earlier and told her that it was time for Topher's medication again. Now Adelle stood outside the dormitories with the bottle of pills in her hand wondering exactly what loading him up on these meds was accomplishing, yes he was lucid but he never stopped working.

This wasn't Topher's fault. The tech wouldn't have come to pass if she didn't give the plans to Harding, at least it wouldn't have come to pass so soon. She knew that Topher didn't blame her for what she did, but that never stopped her from blaming herself.

She gave Harding Topher's schemetics. She kidnapped Bennett Halverson, Bennett Halverson died because of Saunders. An active he cared about, who's actual he was friends with. All of these contributed to Topher's condition. It all lead back to her.

Actions have consequences. She thought to herself. And now she was living with those consequences in quite a literal sense.

She listened to Topher and Echo's conversation, not wanting to interrupt. Echo was one of the few that could actually get through to Topher, and she hoped that maybe Echo would get him to open up just a little.

[ECHO]

For someone that seemed like he should have all the answers, she sure as hell didn’t have any. None of the imprints Topher or Ivy or even Bennett would manage to come up with could prepare her for this, for any of it. Stopping Rossum? Sure she was game for doing that, but how? They couldn’t exactly stick Clyde or the other Founder’s personality and memories in her head, well they could. It just wouldn’t be so damn subtle. And that’s the type of approach they needed, subtle. Rossum probably had thousands of sleepers across the world, and the resistance grabbing the bull by it’s horns would just attract a severe amount of attention. An amount which they could not afford. Instead they were all forced to sit there and wait, like prey waiting to be picked off. They tried to find their answers, they tried to find out how to break Rossum, how to take down the company from the inside out.

No matter how hard they tried they seemed to always be a few steps behind the big guns, and Echo knew what they needed, who they needed - but Caroline would be their final weapon, their last resort. The Ace up their sleeves. Even then, even with Echo prepared for it and for the world to truly need Caroline, they’d need her to become imprinted. They’d need Topher’s health restored. She wouldn’t of trusted anyone else messing with her brain and placing another person inside of her. It was a bit strange, the whole idea of trusting someone who for two years made you another human being and then made you a zombie again like clockwork. It was strange, but none the less Echo trusted Topher, and she needed him to do his job.


It all landed on her shoulders, the resistance , the rebellion, the fate of the world. Sure she had her fighters, those who were helping her bring Rossum to it’s knees. But still, the pressure seemed too great, it made her want to scream sometimes. It made her want to just site down and tell Paul or someone else to take over, it made her wish she could cover the whole stress and ordeal up with going insane. Something that she knew wasn’t going to happen, for one - she wasn’t built to go insane, and two - she was much too needed here. Now, she didn’t want to sound cocky or full of herself - but the truth had been that she was the most skilled, the smartest and the one who could change at the drop of a hat - she was in fact the best one to be leading this resistance. That was the type of knowledge that made her realize she couldn’t be off sitting in the corner going completely insane. She wished Topher Brink realized that they needed him, For who better than to destroy or figure out a way to stop technology than the man who created it in the first place.

Not to mention the whole ordeal with needing imprints, or at least the possibility of needing more in the future. She didn’t know how to snap Topher Brink out of his state of insanity, she wasn’t sure if it was temporary or the way he would always be. Maybe she should cave and have Ivy to throw a psychiatrist in her head along with the mother, the lovers, the thief, the assassin and the multitude of other people that were inside of her head at the moment. ” You don’t have to stop trying to fix things, we won’t stop trying. But you need to relax, take a deep breath and do this out in a rational matter. We need you Topher, we need the old you back, we need you to help us save the world and we can’t do that if you’re like this, besides one day I might need you to give me another house guest, to bring her back. “ she said finally after moments of looking into the resident genius’ eyes. If they couldn’t get Topher to snap out of this, they’d have to imprint another doll with her persona and that - well that wouldn’t be the same, now would it?

[TOPHER BRINK]

A friend once said to me, you may be oh so slightly OCD and a little out of reach my friend

The world always had been a harsh place. As Adelle pitched to Clients, we were born innocent, free of any troubles and woes. Most children were happy although a great many knew of these harsh truths far beyond their time. They grew up already old, already bitter, already jaded and knowing. They knew of the world, robbed of the innocence that should have slowly fallen away as they grew to understand the decreasing world around them. The world seemed like a large place and in many ways it was. To a small child, even a doorway was a big thing. Houses, and sky scrapers were awe filled objects because their understanding was limited. It was always a sad thing when childrne were forced to understand all too soon. And it happened all too frequently.

Topher was not one of these chidlren. Oh, he was a smart ass, far too bright for his own good and not even his not unintelligent parents could understand a lot of the stuff that spewed from his hyperactive little mouth but he grew up like most did. he never had been a regular kid, with special tutors and skipping years. He was a little genius though recently learning that of course, there were others more brilliant than he was but that wasn't going to stop him. The world was as large as it was small and at the moment there was no world. For the longest time the Dollhouse had been the only world Topher had known. he didn't have a life. He couldn't have one. He liked his comfort zone and stayed put and he did not like poeple barging in and trampling all over it like Paul Ballard and Rossum and Alpha and Saunders and Adelle and in the beginning Echo (though Echo had been more fascinating than a nussciance). He grew up knowing things but not having lived them. He never lost that childlike quality despite his enormous brain nor the information crammed inside. Perhaps Topher knew too much and the breakdown was always going to happen. Perhaps it was just Topher being Topher and he needed to get over himself. But it was a little like telling a child that he'd just ruined Christmas for the entire world, or killed everyone he knew. The entire world...gone in an instant...people gone in an instant replaced with Butchers and copies and all manners of vile horrible creations. They weren't directly his but most of the time, Topher felt they may as well be.

Out of all the Dollhouse staff Topher could be the only one described as innocent. Not that he was actually innocent. He just....things passed him by. Implications. Consequences. Or rather he forced them to. He forced himself not to think about it until he didn't. Reality through habit. Truth through pretence. Wasn't he just telling Saunders that? Truth, pretence, lies, reality they were all connected. The best lies weren't the ones out of thin air. They were based on truth. In fact the best lies were twisted truths. Twisted little nuggest of information that just drove you (figuratively) nuts when you discovered the truth. Little deviations on what actually happened, spins on reality, lies about the truth, truth about the lies, lies and truth and spinning little cobwebs of the strongest gossamer threads so easily broken. He didn't want to think about the consequences. He had to live with one every day.

” You don’t have to stop trying to fix things, we won’t stop trying. But you need to relax, take a deep breath and do this out in a rational matter. We need you Topher, we need the old you back, we need you to help us save the world and we can’t do that if you’re like this, besides one day I might need you to give me another house guest, to bring her back.

Echo. She meant well. Topher had read Caroline's file wondering what on EArth the fuss was bout. Echo was like Caroline. Alpha was like Carl. Apparantly you just can't change some things. Saunder's was determined, rigidly. Topher would never tell her that. Echo would be so insulted and offended by that. But it was true. Echo was a less spiteful, less rigid, more compassionate verson of Caroline. Perhaps Caroline would never truly die. Perhaps Echo never would. who knows? AS for Topher? Topher wasn't good, not good news never good no no no no no no! "No!" Topher refused beginnig to get distressed. "You needed someone sensible, someone with actual brains not just nerdy science stuff. You needed someone with actual common sense with sense and more sense that was common that didn't get all muddled or distracted....oohhh Goooood ((oc: a long God just for clarity))...distractions. No distractions. They weren't good, distractiosn lead to nothing good. So I dont'. I focus and then I focus too much and the curiousity bubbles because i don't have any distractions! No! You needed someone not to tell anyone, to shred the schematics or not make them in the first place! not making them is better don't you think? No more while lines no deep blue paper with instruct little scientists how to make mass murdering weapons without the actual death of the body part." Topher rambled trying to be clear. "No. One time I needed a distraction I dind't have one. Distractions are bad, but they can be good can't they? Bad distractions, useful distractions badd, very bad bad bad..." Topher rambled into almost complete incoherency.

I said I know, but please stay with me, it's just the way I deal with living with all the things I see,[/size]

lyrics - how did it come to this Take That Gary Barlow.